*The below first appeared on Hey Holl on June 11, 2010. It’s always been one of my favorites. Enjoy!

First time it happened, we lived on Biscayne in the heart of “beautiful” NMB. Second time was in the illustrious “City of Excellence.” Now, in the quiet hallow of the plantation, it has happened yet again. Let’s rewind…

It was just like any other evening, nothing all that exciting. We made our way to our appropriate sanctuaries and proceeded to drift off, quietly wishing that it would have been a Friday night rather than a Thursday. Deep in a tranquil slumber, dreaming of God only knows what, all of a sudden…..my mom charges in like a Jack Bauer, demanding an answer to “IS THAT THE FIRE ALARM?!” First of all, you just scared the bejeezus out of me. Second of all, how would I know?! I was ASLEEP after all.

The ear-drum piercing sound of the alarm quickly brought me out of my zombie-like coma, as I proceeded to “ear muff” and demand from HER “what the hell is going on?!” Considering that one of the basics of fire safety is to make your way quickly from the source of alarm, I decided to make a stop in the little girl’s room, grab my flip flops and phone, and made my way outside with my parental unit in tow, still ear muffing mind you.

As we are greeted by our mysterious, yet charming neighbor man (by the way, where’s Chuck Woolery ’cause I smell a love connection for my mama?), as well as our other neighbors, we all begin to chat. I’m convinced that people pull fire alarms at odd times as a way for you to meet your neighbors….kinda like a fire alarm social if you will. As we stand in yet another hot, muggy night which we are having, the fire department is nowhere in sight and it’s been at least 15 minutes! All I’ll say is that it’s a good thing that there wasn’t a REAL fire because the building would have burned down and we’d all have been left homeless with nothing but our pajamas and phones!

The F.D finally shows with fully-decked out firemen ready to fight the next great “inferno,” only to see pajama clad people waiting for the all clear, all the while eye-balling each other wondering “alright, which bastard thought THIS would be funny at 3 o’clock in the morning?!” Maybe I was the only one thinking that….while one of our irate female neighbors thought management was somehow responsible for the alarm going off. Conspiracy? I think not. BUT, maybe I’ll hop on that bandwagon anyways? I’m all about banding together for a free month of rent!

Finally though, Sir Fireman gives our pajama clad behinds the all clear and a good night. I’m sure he was thinking, “I got dressed and ‘hurried’ for THIS?!” With our “thank yous,” I like to think he felt some small shred of satisfaction on a job well done. As for the other fire alarm social attendees, we gave the obligatory “it was good to see yous” and parted ways. Hmmm…..maybe I’ll send out a memo for the next fire alarm social to all my neighbors? It’ll read: “You bring the charcoal and grill. I’ll bring the graham crackers and ‘mallows.” At least there would be a REAL fire next time!